A week before midsummer’s eve in 1431, the Squire, the Honourable Egbert Wazock decided it was high time the villagers of Plod celebrated something, anything, on the day the sun seems to stand still. The New Year saw exhibitions of hedgehog squatting by nude octogenarian members of the community and multiple cartwheel splurging by spinsters with amorous intensions, both activities originating in Druidic rituals, but that’s as far as it went. In the Welsh mountains and valleys other villages were engaged in pagan practices on midsummer’s day including sliding down the mountain on tea trays and bog snorkelling in the valleys.
Squire Wazock decided to use another Druidic rite and gathered acorns from the oldest oak tree in the village soaked them overnight in a pig’s bladder full of ale. After twelve hours of soaking the acorns were fed to Druid Blodwyn Maddog, a lady of indescribable grotesqueness with a penchant for eating ale soaked acorns and pronouncing words of wisdom, some of which were prophetic but usually utter gibberish. This time she prophesied that mid summers day should be celebrated in Plod by rolling the same pig’s bladder, full of ale, down the mountain into the valley below and wherever it came to rest there be to built an ale house. Midsummer was to be celebrated by all, from that day onwards, by every villager getting absolutely bladdered and bugger any silly rituals