The Lower Groping Shindig

2017 Lower Groping village Shindig. A festival of scribbling, music and poetry.
The Venue. Myfannway’s Barn. Back of the Pig & Bladder, Lower Groping.
Date to be announced.
Dress worn out Tweedyish
Opening time about 10.30 a.m.

LOWER GROPING, described in the Doomsday book in 1086 as a rural community of inebriates has largely maintained its reputation without recourse to sentiment or modern plumbing. Bounded on four sides by Upper Groping and Sideways Groping, the village has steadfastly maintained its own identity as a haven for literary dexterity, as the carved communications on walls and ceilings ably testify.

THE PIG & BLADDER was also mentioned as a ‘house of good repute’ with ill-reputed pursuances.

THE BARN although lying derelict since the ‘hundred year’s war’, was renovated substantially in 1943 by sex starved G.I’s and the ever willing Mavis Crabthrobber’s grannies. Both of ‘em.

Initially, the barnyard will welcome guests while a musical rendition of hip-hop Welsh military fugues played by the Prince of Wales’s Regiment, Foot and Mouth Division. Accompanied by Quivering Meg on the tuba and our old friends Henry the Bold and Dick the Outrageous on bongos. Dancing anything quicker than a slow waltz is not recommended as the cobbles are not exactly even. However ‘wellington boots’ will be provided (for a small charge) if the weather is inclement.

As they enter the barn guests shall be presented with a Welsh leek and pin at no extra cost. Points of interest, a colony of bats hanging from the eves and medieval sheep droppings etc., will be pointed out by usherettes Enid Pratnimble and Ethel Whimsy. Straw bales will be provided for your comfort as will Enid Pratnimble and Ethel Whimsy.

Five busty barmaids in traditional busty costumes will circulate throughout the opening, and indeed throughout the whole shebang, with foaming jugs of ‘old and filthy’ the traditional ale that became notable after King Canute imbibed four jugs full with great gusto before attempting to turn back the Atlantic ocean. For those of an abstemious nature in the alcohol department, another five equally encumbered village maids will circulate with Blodwyn’s euphoric effects sausages on sticks. Later they will circulate with munchies.

The Performers (so far)
PRATLOO At the start of their prestigious European tour this ensemble of chaps from America will perform their intoxicating syncopated rhythms.
SHARI JO LEKANE-YENTUMI. Our own Poet Laureate from America will give a rendition of her latest, and possibly her oldest rhymes. (Shari has hinted at the possibility of doing a ‘dance of the seven corsets’ whilst performing)
THE DUKE OF EDINBURGH. Now with time on his hands after princely duties, Frightening Phil, as he is known in avant-garde circles, has been an avid follower of hip-hop-jazz. He will regale us all with risqué sea shanties and even more risqué thoughts on virtually everything else.
THE ROLLING SCONES. Four throbbing lummoxes from the cake shop with noisome intent.

An update on various matters.
Good news on the line up. Harmony Nudging the author with ten best sellers still on the bookshelves is going to entertain us with tales of romance during a visit by Queen Victoria to a local coalmine hereabouts.
My design for a revolving stage powered, by a complex system of gears and suchlike, by the River Og as it flows aristocratically down the mountain sides in a series of gentle waterfalls, has been moderately successful. I had geared it for two revolutions per minute. However, owing to a near monsoon during the night the river swelled and cascaded down the valley in savage rage and tumultuous torment. This increased the revolutions of the stage to seventy five-eight per min. Unfortunately, Blodwyn Freeaneasy was rehearsing the Lower Groping Pink Floyd tribute band on stage in the early hours with the Bish of Bath sucking the trombone. The stage rotated faster, they apparently held on for dear life until jettisoned off in all directions like a rocket-salvo. Never mind, I shall install a clutch mechanism in the next few days.
Other artists booked so far include:
The Electric Druids, a bunch of chaps painted green with oak twigs adorning their instruments.
Two Gentlemen from Veronica, a play about two blokes and their mother, I suppose.
The massed bands of the Noise Abatement Society performing their top hit ‘Silent Night.’
The Memsahib’s treatise on the differing hypnotic effects of tree sap depending on type of tree.
Whispering Ermintrude with her songs for senile lovers.

 

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